A movie where God is the bad guy. In most circumstances, this would lead to cries of sacrilege; in the case of Legion, all it led to was cries for money back. So utterly brainless, pointless, and idiotic, you'd be too busy wondering how this got greenlit in the first place to be...
How do you follow up a commercially successful PG-13 version of an R-Rated videogame? Why, with a commercially UNsuccessful PG-13 version of an R-Rated videogame! Like a sinking ship that replaces its fleeing rats with small, confused frogs, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation replaced most...
What's this? Gene Autry burning to death in a crash airplane? Scientists planning on destroying Radio Ranch for their own purposes? A totalitarian queen who imprisons children, who are later subjected to deadly radium beams?
Why, it must be children's...
It's here! The ending nobody's been waiting for!
The Lost City serial comes to its conclusion in episode 12, a 20-minute extravaganza of stupidity, insensitivity, and, of course, Gabby Hayes. Will Zolok blow up the world? (The answer is no.) Will Gorzo get a better...
The siege of the One Man Band continues as yet another halfway decent movie gets sent down the pipe...the halfway decent part being any scene that doesn't involve panning around empty rooms for 20 minutes at a time.
The crew of the Nostromo wakes up to find that huge, creepy planet...
One might ask, "Why? This was actually pretty good!" One might not remember the helicopter scenes. The endless, endless helicopter scenes.
The One Man Band is forced into a conundrum by his commanding officer (newcomer Sarge Crumley): either leave the safety of...
It is the year 2018. The machines have taken over...despite the fact that they are about as easily tricked as Home Alone villains. All Americans have found themselves replaced by Australians and the English, who imitate their accents...blandly. And McG is allowed to direct...
In 1984, Stewart Raffill wrote and directed "The Ice Pirates." He would later direct "Mac and Me" and "Mannequin 2: On the Move."
If that doesn't clue you in, I don't know what will.
The One Man Band, already in enough of a pickle having to watch...
Sequels, prequels, remakes, and re-imaginings...for years, it seemed Hollywood had run out of ideas. But then came the Underworld series, with the most original concept yet: Vampires and werewolves fighting each other! And it only took a solitary sequel before the makers realized,...
.zzzz...zzzzz....zzhearme....zzzccchhhh...freqzzffg...*voip* Can you hear me? Ah, there we go. Finally. Hello out there. I've finally managed to get my digital receiver plugged into my text transmitter, and I should be contacting you via RSS Feed and/or some Twitter-like...
Doom: the Videogame. A lone space marine stalks the corridors of a base on Mars, surrounded by monsters from Hell itself. Armed to the gills with the most devastating weaponry imaginable, you must wade through thousands of monstrosities until everything that's not you lies dead in...
How do you successfully make a movie with unlikeable characters, an outrageous plot, and shot after shot of people staring at screens and typing? The correct answer is, you don't, as Iain Softley's 1995 Hackers demonstrates. On the one hand, Hackers brought Angelina Jolie (granted, a...
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Do you remember all the love and giddiness that broke out after Super Mario Bros. and Street Fighter came out? No, not the video games, the movies. Wait, I'm sorry I mentioned those. Stop crying, please, I didn't mean it.
Anyway, as Mortal Kombat shows, no beloved video...
Do you remember John Landis' classic take on the werewolf film, American Werewolf in London? The classic scene with the "American Balloon Thief?" The amazing transformation sequence that won a special Makeup Effects Oscar?
This is not that film.
Less of a...
