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Fears of Children

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There are two kinds of RiffTrax shorts.

The first are the straightforward ones, the ones where they teach a grown man not to use poisonous snakes as suspenders or a sentient belt sander shows a girl the error of her ways. Then there’s the nutty ones. The ones where, say, a depressed kid drowns his teddy bear, a guy dropkicks a turtle, or parents sleep in separate beds because their kid is too big of a weiner.

ALL of those things happen in Fears of Children! It tells the story of Paul, a boy whose general vibe is “shellshocked Urkel.”  He’s terrified to do things most boys love, like “riding bikes”, “exploring caves” and “being in the same room as your father.” This of course produces some of the best Angry RiffTrax Parenting this side of David & Hazel.

If you had a nickel for every laugh-out-loud moment in this short, you’d be able to afford all the roast beef you want. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Fears of Children.

Rated TV-14 for a scene where a turtle gets kicked.

Digital HD Video file formats

Legacy devices (82.01 MB)
Low (137.45 MB)
Medium (249.81 MB)
High (TV) (399.06 MB)
HD Low (254.51 MB)
HD Medium (404.04 MB)
HD High (2.22 GB)

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RiffMeter rating

Average: 9.2 (92 votes)

Content Rating


Animal harm

Movie Decade

Release date

March 12, 2021


21 minutes