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The characters from Universal Soldier are back, played by other people - plus Gary Busey and Burt Reynolds as various rogue government bad guys - in a sequel that went straight “II” television!

A menace stalks the streets of San Francisco, with its shirt untucked and tie loosened like someone who’s just been ejected from a dog track. It has a flip phone. Its name is Joe Estevez.

Look, when you name your kid Max Havoc, you can’t be too surprised when he grows up to kill a man in a kickboxing ring.

Beloved children’s entertainment should not be this trippy or surreal, but it turns out to be great riffing fodder when it is.

The parents have signed the waivers and headed to a bar, leaving their unfortunate kids to assemble “masks” out of various types of refuse in this ACI spin-off short.

Cage. Travolta. Faces. Off. Need we say more?