Cobra

When you create two franchises as iconic and grunty as Rambo and Rocky, you can do whatever you like in Hollywood. Sylvester Stallone chose to cut his pizza with scissors in Cobra. This unconventional behavior may shock you, until you learn that this particular cop does not play by the rules! In fact, much to the consternation of his colleagues, he makes a habit out of it! We can’t believe it either! 

Like any good Cobra, our hero has it out for a mongoose* by the name of The Night Slasher. If you wanted to be polite you could call the Night Slasher’s goals “unfocused.” While The Slasher himself spends most of his time sharpening and then using his elaborate knife that was almost certainly advertised on late night cable TV as being “Tactical military grade,” his henchmen spend most of their time in an undisclosed warehouse-y location clanging axes together. The purpose of this clanging is never clarified. Perhaps he had a few drinks to celebrate a successful round of Night Slashing and woke up to find he’d bought some surplus axes on eBay.

It’s the 80s, so you know things are gonna blow up big and loud, but you may be unprepared for the sheer number of scene-stealing robots that show up. Get yourself an axe to clang and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Cobra!

*vicious serial killer who indiscriminately targets the innocent

Written by: Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, Conor Lastowka, and Sean Thomason
Contributing writers: Jason Miller and Zach Shatzer