Dad has spent the past ten months building a house all by himself, and it should surprise nobody that it kind of sucks. And that’s before evil spirits start lighting fires and making giant rats appear!

Look at that lawn! You call those roof lines?? Get your act together, Dad!

Now, the house itself is not evil. Instead (try to keep up here), there’s an evil dollhouse in a shed in California that resembles the main Amityville evil house. This allows it to do a wide range of things from “turning the fireplace on” (lame, not that evil, probably just something Alexa can do) to “making a dead guy turn up in a boy’s closet” (terrifying, very evil, call Amazon support if your Alexa does this.) Also a stepmom gets real horny for her stepson, which makes us wonder what type of websites this evil dollhouse has been spending time on.

We do end up in another dimension, but never get anywhere near Amityville. But that’s okay, because the next evil object could be anything! A pinball machine? A melon scoop? The burrito Squishmallow? All potential vectors for unspeakable evil! Ward them off by joining Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Amityville Dollhouse!

Written by: Mike Nelson, Conor Lastowka, Sean Thomason, Jason Miller, and Zach Shatzer