In the past in our picks sales, we've had Mike, Kevin and Bill, those fine folks behind the riffs, bring you some of their favorite RiffTrax selections. But Mike, Kevin, and Bill can't do it alone! This time we're bringing selections from our senior writers Conor Lastowka and Sean Thomason! Conor and Sean have selected six of their all-time favorites to put on sale for 25% off through Wednesday at 11:59PM PT. Sample their selections below!
One of the first shorts we ever did, and one of the bleakest and therefore most hilarious. Imagine if the drawn out silences in “David and Hazel” were reenacted by little kids. “Give George Some More Beans” should be up there with “Burnt Steak and, just in case you're reading this at work we'll say not-very-good steak” and “Three Pints of Oysters” as a Panteon RiffTrax Catchphrase, and the fact that it isn’t is an indictment of you, our loyal fans.
This one is just Mike, and “Popozao” jokes may not have aged well, but it was the first RiffTrax I ever wrote on, dammit! Crossroads was a legendary movie when I was in college, because it deals with far weightier fare than it has any right to: murder, parental abandonment, and teen pregnancy. Laughing yet? The pop star vanity project of course handles these delicate topics with all the grace of a tipsy James Ngyuen. It’s truly shocking that co-star Zoe Saldana somehow managed to eclipse Britney’s stardom at some point this decade. Crack a blue beer and sync this one up old school!
As I recall, this is approximately seven different terrible movies smashed together into one nonsensical (but no less terrible!) story that does not actually involve a bigfoot. Years ago we screened a movie called Piranha, Piranha, whose title contained exactly two more piranhas than the movie. I posit that a movie called Piranha, Piranha that contains no piranhas is hilarious, but have been outvoted every time I bring it up. Therefore, a movie called Curse of Bigfoot that contains no curses and no bigfoots (but plenty of ugly people!) will have to suffice.
Sean's Picks:
A hair metal band accidentally opens a portal to hell while recording their new album, releasing phallic puppet demons who wreak havoc (mostly by interrupting band practice). It’s like everything our parents and Sunday School teachers warned us about in the 80s came true. Starring and written by the one and only Jon Mikl Thor!
We had this on VHS when I was a kid (meaning, we made a copy of the tape we got from the library… hopefully the statute of limitations on this has passed) and I must’ve watched it a thousand times. It’s got everything: a Queen soundtrack, immortals in big sneakers, a bad guy named The Kurgan, and Sean Connery playing a Spanish Egyptian with a thick Scottish accent.
It’s a musical about truckers, and it’s based on a book. What more could you possibly need?