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Highlander (Director's Cut)

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According to legend, the screenplay for cult favorite Highlander appeared when a basement-dwelling metalhead kicked over his bong in a futile attempt to stand after consuming two “share size” bags of Combos and a tube of raw cookie dough.

The bong water within, which was ancient and, indeed, nearly solid, spewed forth across the shag carpeting, musty since times of old. The mystic fluid soaked all in its path, including a half-completed “Society for Creative Anachronism” application, one WWF comic book, a cassette containing Queen’s greatest hits, and two or three Dragonlance novels. From the resultant mist, which did reek mightily of Mountain Dew, the film was born. And yea, the world spoke as one: “We won’t see this in theaters but we might check it out on VHS later, maybe.”

Mike, Kevin, and Bill were dying to watch a movie about a mopey immortal cursed with loneliness since the women he loves age and die before his eyes. But then they found out there wasn’t a new Twilight movie yet, and instead took a big, hearty, Sean Connery-as-a-Spanish-Egyptian-infused hit of Highlander!

This riff was written to the Director's Cut of HIGHLANDER.

Just the Jokes file formats

Zipped (NTSC) (53.43 MB)
Zipped (PAL) (69.91 MB)
MP3 Audio (NTSC) (79.29 MB)
MP3 Audio (PAL) (76.16 MB)

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Poster art by <a rel="_blank" href="">Jason Martian</a>
Poster art by Jason Martian

RiffMeter rating

Average: 8.9 (222 votes)

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Content Rating


Movie Decade

Release date

March 15, 2011