Armageddon (Matthew J. Elliott)
So many important historical events would have turned out so differently if people had only thought to voice their concerns when it really mattered. For example, the Amok Time episode of Star Trek would have had a running time of about 20 minutes if Kirk had said: “Listen, before we get started... this isn't to the death, is it?
Similarly, just think how much happier we'd all be today if, back in the 1990s, Adam Sandler had said: “You will be honest, and tell me if my movie is an utter piece of crap, appealing only to the lowest common denominator, won't you?”
And what if a giant asteroid were heading for the Earth, and the likelihood of the extermination of the entire human race was 100%, don't you wish someone at NASA would speak up and ask: “Look, I know we've got our hearts set on sending some obnoxious, illiterate roughnecks into space in the hope that they'll be able to drill a hole in it and detonate a nuclear weapon on a fault line the screenwriters neglected to mention 'til three-quarters of the way thru the movie... but does anyone agree that we should stop for just a millisecond and ask ourselves whether this is a remotely good idea??!!”
This important question remains unasked during Armageddon's absurdly inflated running time*...until now. So join That English Guy(TM) as he considers this and other issues. And probably makes fun of Ben Affleck, too.
*And apparently there's a director's cut! Please avoid it, for two good reasons:
1) Your RiffTrax won't match up
2) Nobody wants even more of the damn thing.
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