Here at RiffTrax, the former stars and writers of the cult TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000 take on bad movies from yesterday and today. Filmmaking technology is getting more advanced, audiences are getting more intelligent, and movies... well, they really haven't changed with any of that. And in 2013, we had a veritable smorgasbord of dreck to choose from, so we polled our fans to rank the 10 MOST BADDEST movies of the year. Thanks to their 500,000+ responses, we’ve got them plotted here in this handy listicle. (Take that, Buzzfeed!)
10. The Lone Ranger (10,190 votes)
“Kids today are definitely still interested in a cowboy series from the 50s. And nobody will have a problem with Johnny Depp playing a Native American.” - someone with a whole lot of money and power, apparently
9. Man of Steel (11,860 votes)
Superman gains two new powers in this imagining: Mega-Angst and Hipster Lumberjack Cred. A young Kal-El faces off against General Zod to save Earth, kind of like Christopher Reeve did back in Superman II, but without any of that pesky “fun” that people hate so much in their superhero movies.
8. R.I.P.D. (12,240 votes)
Nobody saw this, right? We assume that the clumsy title refers to what Rip Taylor calls his *ahem* Little Rip. Who would want to see a movie about that? Nobody, which is why nobody saw it.
7. A Good Day to Die Hard (13,950 votes)
This film is to the Die Hard series what “Squeeze” is to The Velvet Underground’s discography. Someone named Jai Courtney is as welcome an addition to the franchise as Shia LaBeouf was to Indiana Jones, and will make you long for the subtle, quiet dignity of Justin Long in the fourth one, which was also terrible.
6. Scary Movie 5 (14,910 votes)
A movie that possesses the singular distinction of being panned by every one of the eleven people that saw it.
5. Iron Man 3 (16,100 votes)
Robert Downey Jr. quips and flies around shooting and people and things. Don Cheadle whines at Robert Downey Jr., quips and flies around shooting at people and things. Gwyneth Paltrow whines at Robert Downey, Jr. and quips at people and things, but doesn’t fly around. Directed by Shane Black, master of movies in which people quip and shoot at people and things.
We riffed the first Iron Man movie
a while back!
4. Movie 43 (20,730 votes)
If you were a fan of Movies 1 - 42, this one is for you! A sketch comedy anthology with many Hollywood luminaries, this movie can be summed up thusly: Hugh Jackman has neck testicles. Ladies and gentlemen, I tell you again: Hugh Jackman has neck testicles. In sum: Hugh Jackman has neck testicles.
3. Grown Ups 2 (20,790 votes)
In one of the greatest blunders in cinematic history, Adam Sandler and co. somehow squandered the magic of the truly great tragicomedy Grown Ups with this lame sequel. Gone was the terse drama, the deft satire, the electrifying dialogue, the truly touching relationships, the brilliant ensemble acting of -- yes, this is unsustainable, sorry. Sucky movie produced a second sucky movie.
2. Sharknado (21,910 votes)
Admit it, when you saw the title you assumed it was a tender coming of age story set in Belgium in 1943 about a young Protestant boy who falls in love with a Jewish girl. But, no. It’s about a tornado filled with sharks.
1. After Earth (40,380 votes)
In 2000, John Travolta laid down the challenge: “You will never, EVER make a big budget sci-fi vanity project with a two-word title, the second word being ‘Earth’, as colossally awful as the one I have made.” Thirteen years later Will Smith beat his challenge. (We haven't riffed After Earth
yet, but you can check out our riff of Battlefield Earth here.