Unknown Island

Back in the early days of movies, there were really only three plots to pick from: Bitter guy opens gin joint only to be reunited with former love, John Carradine putters around a science lab, and eccentric rich guy charters boat to go capture giant ape and/or lizard. John Carradine must have been shooting a couple other films on the afternoon they shot Unknown Island, so they went with the last one. 

While flying a remote mission near Singapore, a pilot spots what is possibly the most laughable stop motion dinosaur model in film history. He’s desperate to go catch it, presumably so he can give it to a three year old to use as a bath toy. Unfortunately, the only man who knows where to find the island is still traumatized because the last time he went there the chew-toy dinosaurs ate all his friends. What a whiner! Since then, he’s become a derelict alcoholic, but fortunately he knows of an ancient secret technique for detoxing: he stops drinking. Brilliant!

It’s a good thing too, because on this Unknown Island, dangers lurk around every corner: gruesome beasts that will burst out of the brush, grunting and flailing before carrying your women off to a horrible fate — and that's just the ship’s captain! There’s also the dinosaur costume equivalent of Lisa Simpson’s “Florida”, and a Giant Sloth, whose costume is actually pretty good, provided you have been recently hit on the head with a cast iron skillet and now confuse giant sloths with orangutans.

Like Demon Island without the demons, or Frankenstein Island without the guy who looks like Karl Welzein, Mike, Kevin, and Bill face their unknown-est island yet in Unknown Island!

Written by: Conor Lastowka, Sean Thomason, Jason Miller, and Zachary Shatzer