Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse

With a few notable exceptions (Goodburger 2), we all know that sequels never reach the heights of the original. So just take a moment to process what that must mean for Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse. Yeah, we know. It’s sobering stuff.

Jurassic Shark, if you’ll recall, was about an art heist that was occasionally interrupted for some light CGI chomping. The stolen painting, which we can only hope involves a group of canines gambling, remains lost in the ocean. Remember how we said that everything about sequels was inferior? Well the ocean must have held out for a bigger salary or a nicer trailer or something, because in Jurassic Shark 2, the ocean is very obviously played by a lake.

Many of the characters in the movie would have been better off if a lake had portrayed them rather than the actual actors who were cast. Fortunately, these are balanced out by a lot of footage of women in bikinis who would likely be quite surprised to learn that their day at the beach wound up in something called Jurassic Shark 2. Rest assured, there is a perfectly good plot-based reason for this footage appearing in the movie (a horny guy films it from a distance without their knowledge).

Along the way, a whole lot of people are unable to stay out of the oceanlake and get chomped by a big ol’ pre-rendered digital asset that we honestly can’t believe the filmmakers bothered to pay to remove the ACTIONVFX4U.BIZ watermark from. It may not make a lot of sense, but we’re sure they’ll tie up all the loose ends in Jurassic Shark 3: Back to the Minors.

Written by: Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, Conor Lastowka, Sean Thomason, Jason Miller, & Zachary Shatzer