Water... the most dangerous of the elements. Except for fire. Or earth, if you happen to get caught in a landslide. Then, there's air, too. Remember that Gary Larson cartoon where some poor bastard is skydiving, pulls the ripcord and a grand piano comes out instead of a parachute? And let's not forget lightning. Actually, lightning might not be one of the elements. Let me check on Wikipedia and get back to you on that.
Sorry, drifted a little there. Where were we? Oh, yeah – water. Deadlier by far than your regular water, it seems, is Dark Water. It can make people act in strange ways, such as encouraging Hollywood executives to greenlight far too many remakes of superior Japanese horror movies. Just as well, then, that this version of Dark Water is packed to the seams with today's top acting talent. Talent such as... that chick who won the Oscar for that movie... that guy who looks like he was grown from one of Ned Beatty's scabs... that English guy who always plays Americans... and that other English guy who always plays Americans. Anyway, it's a quality product, and you're guaranteed to walk out of the movie theatre humming.*
RiffTrax is proud to present Matthew Elliott riffing on Jennifer Connelly’s wettest and darkest opus.
*Provided you took your iPod with you.
Please note: This riff will only work with the Unrated Director's cut of Dark Water!