Boys and girls! Moms and Dads! Children of all ages! Everyone who doesn't quite fit the preceding descriptions!
Super-smart apes and dolphins! Plant-based life forms that have acquired sentience! Unseen, undetected A.I. machines that secretly control our lives! Trans-dimensional lifeforms made of pure energy who enjoy a laugh now and again!
I humbly present my current favorite RiffTrax Picks for you to peruse and enjoy at DEEP DEEP DISCOUNTS!
The webmasters have reduced the price of each of these riffs by 25%, but from what they tell me it's only temporary. The sale ends at 11:59pm Pacific Time on Saturday, May 2nd, so scoop up these deals on my picks while there's still time!
A pedantic, browbeating romp in which Big Brother lords his letter-writing expertise over Sis in order to maintain the family hierarchy and assert his general feeling of superiority! He fails of course, primarily because he wears his pants just below his nipples, but also because he’s a condescending, obsessively letter-writing dicktip.
A bitter dollmaker (really, aren't they all) and retired world-renowned marionette artist (apparently they exist) casually stumbles upon the greatest breakthrough in particle physics ever and uses it to exact revenge on his estranged wife by shrinking people down to the size of G.I. Joes - the old ones, not the lame newer ones.
Featuring John “Wull Whut the Heck is Going On Here, Hyuk-Hyuk” Agar. SPOILER ALERT: The puppet people aren't really puppets and they don’t really attack.
Chuck Norris stars as essentially the same character he plays in every movie, and accordingly kicks and punches some ass. This time he’s out to rescue his brother from the boss of a small town full of, one assumes, heavily intermarried first cousins. There is CB radio traffic and a truck attack.
Truly, this is one of the favorites among the writers and riffers here at RiffTrax. It’s a 27-minute short featuring two kindergarten teachers setting up a classroom, shot cinéma vérité style. You may think it was made by Lars Von Trier. You would not be far from the truth. But what is truth?! Come join me in the madness of Setting up a Room and you will see, oh yes, you will see, HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
He wears a mask. And little else. Yet he strolls casually through the halls of government, convives with the world’s power brokers and fights international crime bare-chested with his moderate wrestling skills. He’s Neutron, the Atomic Superman! *
Because it’s about a boy who wants a doll; and because his doll-wanting causes a cultural upheaval that threatens to tear apart the very fabric of the Seventies American Family; and because of the gummy, mealy-mouthed way William’s grandfather dispenses wisdom; but mostly because we still want to find one of those red mesh hats emblazoned with Goofy like the one William's Dad wears.
M. Night Shyamalan at his best. And when I say “best,” I mean “goofstupidincomprehensibest.” Air will be bent. Effects will be digitized. Noted actors will be embarrassed. Dialogue will sound like it was written by an energetic third-grader. Plots will be made intractable. And a beloved fantasy series will be Lucasized.