The most shocking Halloween-related thing ever -- with the possible exception of the joke about Mrs. Ghost not being able to get pregnant because Mr. Ghost had a hollow weenie . . .

Harry Potter is back with the second installment in the franchise that is worth more than the Tolkien, Roddenberry and Herge estates combined!

Summer is over—time to get back to evil school with Harry, Hermione, Ron, Sirius Black, Mrs. McGonagall, Filch, Splat, Wang, Timothy Q. Diaperhat, Professor Waddle Von Funkenskull, The Right Reverend Boo Smoothandle, Dr. and Mrs. Walrus V. Chowderboot and all the rest!

The most profitable bespectacled Potter since Henry F. and Sherman T. combined, tales of Harry's indoctrination into Satan's dark and unholy arts have delighted dozens of children the world over. And this, the first movie of the series, ably helmed by Chris Columbus . . .

Imagine, just imagine, if ordinary citizens suddenly began to discover that they have acquired extraordinary powers. Why, you would have X-Men. But imagine if instead of acquiring X-Men-like powers . . .

Stop anybody on the street and ask them what their favourite Paris Hilton movie is, and chances are they'll say: “Is this a real survey? Why don't you have a pen or a clipboard? Oh my God, are you mugging me? Please, take everything, just don't hurt me!” Or they might, just might reply: “House of Wax”.

Long before lunatic millionaires Michael Jackson, Richard Branson or Rick Rockwell, there was Frederic Loren (Vincent Price), an eccentric, unhappily married fop who offers a huge cash prize to anyone who can stay overnight in the house on Haunted Hill (the house, by sheer coincidence having nothing whatsoever to do with its location on a haunted hill, is haunted).

Pits of boiling acid, skeletons around every corner, the smell of death permeating the air. No it’s not thanksgiving with Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, it’s House on Haunted Hill.

It's a question we ponder every time we tip the pizza guy: How much affection? Is it necessary to set the box down before embracing him? How long do you hold him, knowing that he has other deliveries to make? Can lower tips be compensated for with more affection?

The Happening is a departure for director M. Night Shyamalan: he abandons his trademark conceit of the twist ending to tell a straight-forward tale of horror.  It's like going to a Gallagher show where he refuses to smash watermelons with a giant mallet.  The only difference is that Gallagher's comedy is grim and depressing and The Happening is hilarious.