RiffTrax was caught up in the Twilight frenzy, and not surprisingly, given that we are staffed almost exclusively by 13 year-old girls. So when we heard rumors of the feature film—the whispers of John Goodman being cast as Edward were especially worrying—we sent so many texts beginning "OMG!!!1!!!!11!!"

There are so many things to which drugs can be compared that to even attempt to catalog them would be an act of incomprehensible madness.

When a spaceship full of hairy people crashes on an unknown planet, it's not enough that the surviving members look a lot like the Starland Vocal Band (it is a help, of course, but not sufficient for their survival). They must forge off on a non-stop mission of wandering around doing nothing in particular, not saying anything particularly noteworthy, and not looking particularly attractive or interesting..

Your favorite sand-phobic, midichlorian-rich super villain is back! And this time his capes are even more fabulous, his thigh-high Uggs resplendent like never before, and his burnt chicken head cloaked in the shiniest plastic helmet yet!

The typical reaction to an encounter with The Room looks something like this: puzzlement, revulsion, laughter, amazement, hunger, affection, deep depression, inability to digest milk proteins, and ultimately, an unbreakable addiction. Yes, this is the film you've probably only heard rumors about, a truly jaw-droppingly weird melodrama written, starring, produced, financed, endlessly promoted by (most famously by a high profile billboard in Los Angeles for five years), and featuring the hideous naked backside of Tommy Wiseau, the world's shaggiest and most mysterious auteur.

On the cold, starry night of April 14, 1912, in the iceberg-infested waters of the frigid North Atlantic, a shocking and utterly disturbing event occurred. We’re referring, of course, to the sullying of a beautiful 1912 Renault limousine by Jack Dawson and Rose Bukater.

If you're like most of us, you stormed out of your midnight viewing of The Matrix Reloaded saying to yourself "Man, was that terrible! When I come back in six months to see The Matrix Revolutions, they had better balance out those ponderous scenes of two characters quietly discussing the minutiae of the plot with a lot more tedious action sequences where I can't tell what is going on.

This is it – the best movie ever made about a world-famous bouncer and his epic struggle with the evil owner of the local J.C. Penney. Patrick Swayze is at his most shirtless . . .

Your home is crawling with hazards! You are not safe! EVERYTHING WILL KILL YOU! In fact, never mind, because you're already dead; killed by your stupid house. That, at least, is the heartwarming message of the short Safety: Harm Hides at Home.

If messy wet clay and the brothers Everly are your idea of foreplay, look no further than this Jerry Zucker-directed (yes, THAT Jerry Zucker) surprise smash hit of 1990.

Test your credulity as our beloved Patrick Swayze trades in his dirty dancin' shoes and his blue collar bartending meat hooks to give a turn in the role he was destined to play: an intelligent, educated, high-powered account executive...