RiffTrax Catalogue

Ghost Rider

xrampage16 — Sun, 10 May 2009 11:35:57 -0500

Let us start by saying that Ghost Rider is the greatest movie ever made. The acting, direction, top-notch storytelling and awe-inducing special effects add up to what can only be called the most amazing achievement in the history of cinema.

Footloose

torgosPizza — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:12:44 -0500

Let’s hear it for the boy! What boy? Why, Ren McCormack (Kevin Bacon, at his Baconiest), an outspoken, rebellious lad with anger dancing issues and feathered hair that would make Sally Jessy Raphael jealous. The small town of Beaumont, Texas isn’t ready for his skinny tie ways—certainly not the tall, awkward town preacher Shaw Moore (played by John Lithgow, in a…tall and awkward performance), who spearheaded a law banning dancing after a fatal accident. Can Ren bring some joy to the youth of Beaumont, like Carrie Bradshaw-in-training Sarah Jessica Parker?

Titanic

torgosPizza — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:39:16 -0500

On the cold, starry night of April 14, 1912, in the iceberg-infested waters of the frigid North Atlantic, a shocking and utterly disturbing event occurred. We’re referring, of course, to the sullying of a beautiful 1912 Renault limousine by Jack Dawson and Rose Bukater.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

torgosPizza — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 15:42:14 -0500

At its heart, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a love story. A love story between two dogs, Mojo and Frankie, who are shown humping several times in the first fifteen minutes of the movie*. Stunningly, this remains a highlight over the next two hours of movie.

American Thrift Part 1

xrampage16 — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 10:02:49 -0500

American Thrift is a touching tribute to the “Woman American”, brought to you by Chevrolet. Just who is the Woman American you ask? Why, she is the one that those who sell and manufacture what is sold know is the one who decides what we come to buy of what is sold and manufactured. From budgeting the purchase of puppy dogs, packs of pens, and canned eel at the local Food Giant, to planning trips to Nassau, the Woman American is the solid rock on which the home is built.

A Circus Wakes Up

xrampage16 — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 09:33:55 -0500

Contrary to what many of you are thinking, A Circus Wakes Up is NOT a wrenching adaptation of a short story by Philip Roth that recounts the heartbreaking tale of Bernard Circus, a Classics professor at Columbia, who is forced to confront his shattered marriage, his failure as a father, and a decidedly lackluster academic career. No, it is in fact a rather bizarre little behind-the-scenes short that very quickly confirms what we’ve always suspected: the dizzying revulsion we all feel when confronted by a circus is entirely—ENTIRELY—justified.

Dragon Wars: D-War

Admin — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:19:20 -0500

When we heard that Korean studio Younggu-Art Movies was making a picture called Dragon Wars, we were both excited and disgusted at the same time. Excited because we have had many conversations about which Korean movie

The Matrix Revolutions

torgosPizza — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:06:53 -0500

If you're like most of us, you stormed out of your midnight viewing of The Matrix Reloaded saying to yourself, "Man, was that terrible! When I come back in six months to see The Matrix Revolutions, they had better balance out those ponderous scenes of two c

Women in Blue

xrampage16 — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 12:59:52 -0500

Women in Blue tells the tale of one of baseball's most storied franchises, the Los Angeles Dodgers. Actually, that's not true. We just have an Oakland A's fan on our staff who remains incredibly bitter about the 1988 World Series. In retrospect, it was a poor decision to let him write this description's opening sentence.

The Case of Tommy Tucker (Part 2)

xrampage16 — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 14:36:27 -0500

When last we left Tommy Tucker he had died and was just beginning an eternal stint on Safety Island, a particularly dull outpost in the vast Hell empire. The demon in charge of enslaving his soul (a big-chinned guy, as most evil people are) had been extolling the virtues of the dead Tommy Tucker, while Tommy himself was making noises that, all things considered, he’d rather be home pestering his fellow students and occasionally snacking from the paste jar.

What It Means to Be An American (Part 2)

xrampage16 — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 14:28:25 -0500

Many of us were left frustrated when What It Means to Be An American: Part 1 ended without answering the titular question. In fact, many of you noticed that it did not in fact appear to address the question, or even show the faintest hint that it was aware that it would later be titled What It Means to Be An American.

The Case of Tommy Tucker (Part 1)

xrampage16 — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:12:00 -0500

This extraordinary film dares to do something no other safety short has ever dreamed of: killing its 9-year-old title character and sending him to hell; a hell run by two doughy, charisma-free demons wearing sensible jackets. Yes, Tommy Tucker, our protagonist, is a whiny, friendless little twerp who devotes himself to the petty hectoring of his fellow citizen. His dream of transforming his local institutions into an all powerful nanny state is cut short, however, when one fed-up individual decides to polish his bumper on Tommy's midsection.

What it Means to be an American (Part 1)

torgosPizza — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 15:11:45 -0500

In 2009, if you ask someone What It Means To Be An American you'll get a simple response: a willingness to deep-fry anything and everything. But back in the fifties, before anyone had invented deep-fried cigarettes, it wasn't as clearly defined. School chil

Cork - Crashes and Curiosities

xrampage16 — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:08:09 -0500

If there's one thing that a small niche of people like, it's car racing! It's all there: the drama, the passion, the guy who for some reason shouts "Boogity Boogity Boogity." But we understand that for some people, sitting for hours and watching cars do five hundred laps around a track can be a bit too much excitement to handle. For them, Cork – Crashes & Curiosities provides a thrilling glimpse into a time in racing when the stakes were much lower, and cars were not capable of going nearly as fast.

Teenagers on Trial

torgosPizza — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 11:49:35 -0500

Someone has to be on trial. It may as well be teenagers. And they deserve it, too, what with their shenanigans, the hell-raking, their common thuggery, rough manners and unkempt flat-top haircuts. I don't think it would be overstating things to say that teenagers are the largest threat facing this great nation, causing more destruction than the boll weevil and potato weevils combined! Teenagers on Trial does not shrink from showing us the hard truth, which is that your average teenager would knock you off your bike and take it just as soon as look at you.

Planet of the Apes

torgosPizza — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 16:05:57 -0500

If the movies have taught us nothing else—and plainly, they haven't―then they've at least shown us that astronauts and evil supercomputers are similarly cursed with a stunning lack of imagination.

Constance Bennett's Daily Beauty Rituals

torgosPizza — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 12:25:08 -0500

Where should one turn when looking for beauty advice? To the fashion magazines that litter our grocery store checkout aisles, with their fresh-faced starlets with perky bods and millions of dollars? Hardly!

Flying Stewardess

torgosPizza — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 11:54:30 -0500

Flying Stewardess takes us for an airborne jaunt through the wild blue yonder. Hop on board a spacious plane, where you'll be treated like a king. Enjoy a delicious steak dinner, served to you by a smiling stewardess. After that, treat yourself to a complimentary cocktail before retiring to your own bed in the sleeping cabin. You'll arrive at your destination refreshed and relaxed.

The Tale of Moose Baby

torgosPizza — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:11:34 -0500

Ladies and gentlemen: Moose Baby.

Fast and Furious

torgosPizza — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 13:18:17 -0500

Did you like the 2001 sleeper hit The Fast and The Furious, but are you really not a fan of definite articles? Then 2009's Fast & Furious is the movie for you! After the twin triumphs of The Pacifier and Babylon A.D., Vin Diesel has finally reunited with his co-star from The Fast and The Furious: a several-sizes-too-small wife-beater! Also returning is the other guy from The Fast and The Furious (legal name: The Other Guy From The Fast and The Furious), shocking those of us who were pretty confident that he was the guy that had helped us try on shoes the other day at Famous Footwear.

When his girlfriend is murdered, Vin Diesel is forced to return to the US where he is wanted for...well that isn't really made clear. But before he even has a chance to mumble something unintelligible in a really deep voice under his breath, he finds himself in the race of his life! Seriously, the races often feel like they have lasted for the duration of a human lifetime. But at least in between the interminable driving scenes we're treated to a rich, nuanced film tapestry, featuring the very finest in Stock Characters spouting refined Screenplay Clichés. If your idea of a good time is watching the Angry Chief say "Talk to me", you're in for quite a thrill ride (just make sure to "lock and load.")

Mike, Kevin and Bill hopped into the sidecar for Fast & Furious, but were concerned by the lack of seatbelts for all three of them so they instead observed it from a reasonable distance.

**Viewers note: It is not necessary to have seen The Fast and The Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, 2 Fast 2 Be 4ious, The Love Guru, The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift, 2 Fast 2 Furious: 2 Tokyo 2 Drift, The Muppets Take The Fast and The Furious, or The Furious and The Fast Bald Man (Thailand Bootleg version) to follow the plot of Fast and Furious**

Batman Forever

torgosPizza — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:37:15 -0500

Have you ever worried that your favorite super hero might be nothing more than a passing fad? Well, Joel Schumacher is here to put your mind at ease with a film that he based on a slogan he once heard some kids shout after leaving Tim Burton's Batman film: Batman Forever*. A movie so terrible that we still don't understand why people were surprised at how bad Batman & Robin was.

Wing Claw and Fang!

torgosPizza — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:48:12 -0500

When we think back on the list of the great entertainers of the past century, a few names universally come to mind: Sinatra. Carson. Lohan. And Jimmy. No, not Jimmy Walker. And not Jimmy Stewart, (Really? You guessed Jimmy Walker before Jimmy Stewart?) We're of course talking about Jimmy the Raven, sparkplug of the glorious ensemble cast of Wing, Claw and Fang.

Shake Hands With Danger

torgosPizza — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 13:02:04 -0500

The world of Safety Instructional Films breaks down into two distinct categories: Shake Hands with Danger, and everything else. If you like your hair feathered, your glasses huge and your moustaches grown at an eighth grade level, this is the short for you.

The Bill of Rights in Action

torgosPizza — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 13:30:32 -0500

It seems that forty years ago, one out of every three instructional films was about The Bill of Rights (the rest were about either syphilis and/or Mr. Bungle.) So it was only natural that we'd finally get around to riffing a short focused on the Bill of Rights, and we had just the one in mind! Unfortunately, that episode of Schoolhouse Rock where the bill becomes a law proved far too expensive to acquire, and we had to go with Plan B.

Highway Mania

torgosPizza — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 11:34:23 -0500

Sometime between the invention of pyromania and the discovery of Beatlemania, the country suffered a frightening outbreak of Highway Mania.

Back to School with Joan Miller

torgosPizza — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 12:56:09 -0500

The Running Man

torgosPizza — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 14:20:31 -0500

Red Dawn

torgosPizza — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:14:04 -0500

The year was 1984. While the fascistic regime foretold by Orwell had not yet come to power the nation had been brought to its knees, the victim of repeated playings of Karma Chameleon and Sister Christian. The country needed something to believe in, something besides aerobics or Emmanuel Lewis' winning the People's Choice Award.

Ghost

torgosPizza — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 15:35:12 -0500

If messy wet clay and the brothers Everly are your idea of foreplay, look no further than this Jerry Zucker-directed (yes, THAT Jerry Zucker) surprise smash hit of 1990.

Test your credulity as our beloved Patrick Swayze trades in his dirty dancin' shoes and his blue collar bartending meat hooks to give a turn in the role he was destined to play: an intelligent, educated, high-powered account executive.

The Room

torgosPizza — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 13:31:07 -0500

Voodoo Man

torgosPizza — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 17:56:11 -0500

You asked for more voodoo—and we deliver, with a RiffTrax exclusive*, Voodoo Man. Young women are vanishing somewhere on the road that leads to the creepy old house of a deranged bachelor (Bela Lugosi) and his two lonely assistants. Remarkably, no one thinks to question the deranged bachelor and his two lonely assistants, so the disappearances just keep stacking up.

Casablanca

torgosPizza — Sun, 31 May 2009 13:05:47 -0500

One of the things we like to do here at RiffTrax (during those rare moments when we're not absorbed by our frequent, mandatory company-wide Schnappi sing-alongs) is to challenge ourselves. Sure, it's easy enough to make hay out of a bear-suited Nicholas Cage, but what really tests one's mettle is to see how he reacts when he's staring down the business end of THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE.

Tron

torgosPizza — Tue, 26 May 2009 16:10:09 -0500

Alcohol Trigger Films

torgosPizza — Fri, 22 May 2009 11:56:11 -0500

Planet of Dinosaurs

Admin — Fri, 15 May 2009 21:49:36 -0500

When a spaceship full of hairy people crashes on an unknown planet, it's not enough that the surviving members look a lot like the Starland Vocal Band (it is a help, of course, but not sufficient for their survival). They must forge off on a non-stop mission of wandering around doing nothing in particular, not saying anything particularly noteworthy, and not looking particularly attractive or interesting. However, they do provide a tasty and nutritious snack for some pretty sweet looking stop-motion dinosaurs!

Toward Emotional Maturity

Admin — Tue, 12 May 2009 14:37:04 -0500

Snap Out Of It!

torgosPizza — Wed, 06 May 2009 18:02:56 -0500

The 50's are back with a simple message for you—Snap Out of It! "But," you protest, "I only—" Hey, the 50's are gonna stop you right there. Don't say another word. Doesn't matter what mealy-mouthed, limp- wristed, it's-somebody-else's-fault bull crap excuse you were about to offer, the 50's are gonna say the same thing: Snap the hell out of it!

What About Juvenile Delinquency?

Admin — Tue, 05 May 2009 12:00:06 -0500

It can happen to any of us: we fall in with some free-spirited youths, get a few lime phosphates in our system, and before you know it we're rolling up our blue dungarees to impertinent heights, styling our hair into an ill-mannered pompadour and beating up our own fathers and rolling 'em for spare change.

Cooking Terms

Admin — Fri, 01 May 2009 11:48:25 -0500

Mario Batali. Emeril Lagasse. Thomas Keller. What do they all have in common? Besides having seen Julia Child naked? That's right, they are all masters of Cooking Terms! Cooking Terms are the first step toward becoming a master chef. Because how can one properly prepare Duck Foie Gras with a Confiture of Meiwa Kumquats and a Balsamic Glaze if you don't know what "boiling" means.

Damaged Goods

Admin — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 12:34:36 -0500

Surprisingly, not a biography of Björk, Damaged Goods is a cautionary tale about a couple of young men who go on a harmless adventure in search of beer and girls and end up finding exactly that! Unfortunately they are lured off that wholesome path by the seductive siren song of something called a "Coolie Cup". Inspired, apparently, by the jockstrap of an Asian worker, this evil rum drink causes our hero, Hercules-like (Kevin Sorbo Hercules, just to be clear), to be led astray.

Primary Safety: In the School Building

torgosPizza — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 11:41:07 -0500

The follow-up to the smash hit "Primary Safety: In the Three Mile Island Cooling Tower", Primary Safety: In The School Building starts with a catchy name and builds from there. Personal injury lurks everywhere in our nation’s schools, and while any hipster with an ironic "Runs With Scissors" t-shirt can identify the most famous way to hurt yourself, fewer can pinpoint the dozens and dozens of more obscure ways that you can lose an eye in music class alone.

Twilight

xrampage16 — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 18:02:26 -0500

RiffTrax was caught up in the Twilight frenzy, and not surprisingly, given that we are staffed almost exclusively by 13 year-old girls. So when we heard rumors of the feature film—the whispers of John Goodman being cast as Edward were especially worrying—we sent so many texts beginning "OMG!!!1!!!!11!!" we nearly shut down our SMS service.

You And Your Family

Admin — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:33:31 -0500

You and Your Family. Much like gunpowder and an open flame, combining the two is not recommended (especially if mom's been drinking.) But every now and then a scenario arises where you must remove your iPod’s ear buds, emit a contemptuous, full-bodied sigh and actually interact with your family.* You and Your Family is the must-have guide to how to handle these situations with a minimum involvement of municipal services.

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

torgosPizza — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 17:19:01 -0500

Your favorite sand-phobic, midichlorian-rich super villain is back! And this time his capes are even more fabulous, his thigh-high Uggs resplendent like never before, and his burnt chicken head cloaked in the shiniest plastic helmet yet! And if that wasn't enough, Mike, Kevin and Bill are pleased to be joined by Darth Vader's bellicose but lovable brother Chad! Yes, the movie that gave us one of cinema's most startling revelations, and perhaps the most memorable silver screen quote ever ("I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me") gets the RiffTrax treatment.

Die Hard

Admin — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:50:25 -0500

Only one film dared to confront the twin menaces facing America during the 1980s—terrorism and aggressive male-pattern baldness—and that film is Die Hard. So it's fortunate that I'm writing about that particular movie, or something would seem to have gone terribly, terribly wrong—like an emu wearing a Stetson, or anything involving Tom Green.

Carnivorous Plants

torgosPizza — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 11:18:15 -0500

Going Steady

torgosPizza — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 12:46:39 -0500

As We Like It

torgosPizza — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 17:31:48 -0500

Understanding Your Ideals

torgosPizza — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 11:56:46 -0500

Your Chance To Live

torgosPizza — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 11:23:31 -0500

How Much Affection?

torgosPizza — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 13:14:42 -0500

Swing Parade Three Riffer Edition

torgosPizza — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 13:12:05 -0600

As the old song goes, "I love a parade." However, this was undoubtedly spoken by someone under torture or extreme mental duress. Parades for most people evoke memories of the many raised welts, received at the hands of the crazed, hard candy-throwing Shriners tooling around on their infernally loud 2-cycle-powered magic carpets (man, they were sadistic!) These were almost always accompanied by Sousa, performed badly by teenagers in large fur hats (good Sousa is trying enough). And then there's the clowns. For the love of all that is good and holy, the clowns!

Carnival of Souls Three Riffer Edition

torgosPizza — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 12:36:56 -0600

Playing Together

torgosPizza — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 12:03:08 -0600

Jaws

torgosPizza — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 11:56:06 -0600

Missile to the Moon - Three Riffer Edition

torgosPizza — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 11:07:11 -0600

Night of the Living Dead - Three Riffer Edition

torgosPizza — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 11:39:42 -0600

House on Haunted Hill - Three Riffer Edition

torgosPizza — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 19:09:04 -0600

Little Shop of Horrors - Three Riffer Edition

torgosPizza — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 12:08:10 -0600

Overcoming Fear

torgosPizza — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 17:49:46 -0600

Reefer Madness - Three Riffer Edition!

torgosPizza — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:51:55 -0600

Self-Conscious Guy

torgosPizza — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 11:33:24 -0600

Do you find yourself in a constant state of niggling self criticism, e.g., "I bet everyone is laughing at me just because I have a waffle stuck to my back", or "I know it's the right thing to do, but will people look down on me because I jar, meticulously label and store my urine in the root cellar?" If so, may I call you "Self-Conscious Guy" or would that make you feel self-conscious, you ugly, over-sensitive little self-conscious guy?!

Shy Guy

torgosPizza — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:59:23 -0600

Shyness—for years it has prevented boys from becoming men and girls from landing men. How can shyness be conquered? By imitating those who are better than you: the popular children. This is the advice that the New Kid in School receives from his father: alter who you are to make people who don't know you like you more. It must be good advice; after all, the man is wearing a suit. Watch TV’s Dick York—the first Darrin from Bewitched—try to overcome his shyness by putting on a sweater in Shy Guy, riffed by Mike, Kevin and Bill.

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

torgosPizza — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:51:17 -0600

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (Marin County, to be exact) George Lucas sparked up his favorite bong, kicked back in a bean bag chair and several gurgles later came up with the idea that would become the greatest movie of all time.* The story should be familiar to everyone: a moisture farmer leaves his beloved moisture farm (after a terrible moisture stampede), flies to the planet of Mos Def and eventually rescues a princess from the clutches of the evil Moff and destroys the horribly named Death Star.

Christmas Toyshop

torgosPizza — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 12:16:35 -0600

Can't anyone tell me what Christmas is all about!? an exasperated Charlie Brown once asked. Well, pace Linus van Pelt, the true meaning of Christmas—according to Christmas Toyshop—is a criminally incompetent father, a drug-dispensing demon of the night, and a bored and detached Santa who spins magic mushroom induced fables to two captive children.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

torgosPizza — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:23:37 -0600

Summer is over—time to get back to evil school with Harry, Hermione, Ron, Sirius Black, Mrs. McGonagall, Filch, Splat, Wang, Timothy Q. Diaperhat, Professor Waddle Von Funkenskull, The Right Reverend Boo Smoothandle, Dr. and Mrs. Walrus V. Chowderboot and all the rest! This time around (the 6th, if we're not mistaken) Harry must battle an ancient curse and the desire to play Quidditch for three quarters of the film.

The Dark Knight

torgosPizza — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 13:26:52 -0600

If you can spare a minute, think back on the greatest work of cinema that you have ever seen. Did you think about The Dark Knight? No? Then you are a moron. Because while you were out doing whatever it is morons do...demolition derbies or...croquet, (we wouldn't know, we loved The Dark Knight), The Dark Knight pimp-slapped Andy Dufresne, spat in the Godfather's face and gave Charles Foster Kane a big ol' wedgie on its way to be

The Incredible Hulk: Final Round

torgosPizza — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 14:52:10 -0600

The story of the Hulk is a complex one but we can know a few things for sure: Hulk smash and... well, that's about it. The Ed Norton version doesn't add much new information (Hulk smash, we already knew that), nor did Ang Lee's (Hulk bore.) In order to get the full picture we must revisit the beloved late 70's TV version, specifically the episode "The Final Round" (Season 1, Disc 2, Episode 3 for those Netflixing), in which we learn that Hulk befriend untalented boxer who literally dumber than half-full bag of hammers.

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Know For Sure

torgosPizza — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:52:19 -0600

You think you don't have syphilis, but how do really know? Has anyone you trust told you you don't have it? Have you been in contact with anyone from a big city in, say, the last year? Then you almost certainly have it! Talk to your doctor immediately, or at the very least, a silver-haired white guy with an authoritative voice. He will put your shame under a microscope and make you look at it and if that doesn't change your ways, than I don't know what!

Or you can just watch RiffTrax latest hilarious short subject Know For Sure.

RiffTrax Shorts Best Of Vol. 1 DVD

torgosPizza — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 15:05:14 -0600

You, friend, could use some shorts. Why not take ours?!

We offer you shorts about safety, hygiene, and the difficulties of relating to women. Bite-sized nuggests of hilarity featuring the merry three, Mike, Kevin and Bill, refreshing themselves in the cool waters of their youth. Aahhhh...

This DVD includes 9 Hilarious Shorts... Over 100 Minutes of Fun!

Down and Out
Patriotism
Buying Food
Right or Wrong
Drugs are Like That
Skipper Learns a Lesson
The Trouble With Women
It Must be the Neighbors

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X2: X-Men United

torgosPizza — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:46:15 -0600

All your favorite X-people return as Magneto, Cerebro, Pyro, Columbo, Tonto, Pinocchio, and Jell-O do battle to determine who can look more ludicrous. Everyone wins! And because these are officially the silliest roles ever created we are lucky to have British and Australian actors stepping in to do the jobs Americans won't do. Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen sink their teeth into their performances as though they were big helpings of spotted dick, and Huge Ackman scowls constantly like some sort of small angry mammal.

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Good Eating Habits

torgosPizza — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 16:02:42 -0500

For many of us, Good Eating Habits boil down to a simple rule: avoid any food whose name ends in "-ator" or "-o-rama". But fifty years ago, in an era food historians refer to as "Pre GoGurt", what constituted a Good Eating Habit wasn't as widely known. Was cleaning your plate always necessary? When was the proper time for snacks? And did Johnny Miller really see the lunch lady’s glass eye fall into the casserole when he went to the bathroom during Social Studies?

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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

marina — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 15:06:37 -0500
The most beloved franchise in film history returns to the screen and quickly becomes one generally well-liked franchise among many in film history! Yes, Indy is back, and this time he has a skull. And he has Shia "Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd" LaBeouf's infectious logorrhea! And as promised, the filmmakers gave in to the forceful and ceaseless cries of "GIVE US MORE RAY WINSTONE!"* Mike, Bill and Kevin took their own skulls into the studio to create a RiffTrax for the ages!
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Good Health Practices

torgosPizza — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:05:31 -0500

Washing your hands after using the restroom - most of us only do so because a fellow co-worker is in the bathroom with us, and we wonder if he'll tell other people if we don't. But evidently, we should be doing this even when a co-worker isn't there. It's a "Good Health Practice." Another example is eating fruits and vegetables instead of gorging on sweets.

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The Happening

marina — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:16:40 -0500

The Happening is a departure for director M. Night Shyamalan: he abandons his trademark conceit of the twist ending to tell a straight-forward tale of horror. It's like going to a Gallagher show where he refuses to smash watermelons with a giant mallet. The only difference is that Gallagher's comedy is grim and depressing and The Happening is hilarious.

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Iron Man

marina — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:05:38 -0500

In the tradition of I, Robot comes I, Ronman, the story of a shy college student who is bitten by a radioactive guy named Ron. Our hero's DNA is transformed, his body taking on the attributes of Ron until - hang on. Apparently we got that wrong and there's nothing remotely that cool going on here. It's Iron Man and from what we're told it's just a guy in a metal suit. Kind of looks like a Transformer. Fights another guy who looks like a Transformer. And you get to see Gwyneth Paltrow's back. And it's directed by the guy who did Zathura.
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Aqua Frolics

marina — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:22:10 -0500

If you were told you were about to see a film that contained turtles bigger than men, cliff-diving Mexicans and a family that eats Thanksgiving dinner underwater, you'd probably complain "But I don't like David Lynch!" Wrong you would be! You'd actually be all set to watch the 100 percent Lynch-free Aqua Frolics, a short from the 1950's whose message is clear: here is a partial list of things you can do that involve a proximity to and/or immersion in water.

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Dirty Dancing

marina — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:33:47 -0500

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The Trouble With Women

marina — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:39:06 -0500