In the annals of Hollywood craziness, there will never be another like Tom Cruise. Thankfully, like the cold fusion we someday hope to harness, Tom's supply of cookoo is unlimited and never-ending. When we put out the call to the internet to send us jokes for Minority Report... well, let's just say that there wasn't a short supply available. We've taken the best of the lot and produced this riff for you and your Thetan-loving friends!

Wanna grab one of our other riffs? You can purchase them here:

Back in 1977, an unknown little indie picture named Star Wars was quietly released.  It was a critical and box-office failure and has been criminally ignored ever since.  Now it’s time to dust off this obscure gem and give it the attention it deserves.

Do janitors really have anything better to do than to repair windows?  How does a high school prank end in murder?  What does a turtle have to do with your safety?  Did you know that a newspaper can save your life?

The team that brings you QuipTracks breaks onto the public domain scene with QuipTracks: The Show!—a near half hour of old-fashioned riffing complete with video (including host segments)! No syncing necessary!

Episode 101 – Rocky Jones Space Ranger in "Escape Into Space"

Join Rocky Jones and his obnoxious sidekick, Winky, as they pursue Truck Harman, a traffiker of the "tarantula weed," who has, in fact, escaped into space.

The squirrel. Primarily , it's nature's-...whatever. Today we seek to tap the unlimited potential of the gold-mantled ground squirrel. Name's have been omitted due to anonymity rights, so our volunteer today has simply offered the moniker of 'Squeak' . Seemingly this is the only utterance or word our furry friend can speak or write.

Join Commander Rick Wolf, along with his robot pals Johnny Cylon and Topsy-Bot 5000 as they’re forced to sit through the trashy horror epic Lady Frankenstein.

Italy’s take on the classic tale is the smuttiest one to date! After the Doc’s phallic-headed monster bear hugs him to death, his foxy daughter Tonya decides to use his lab as a boyfriend factory!

Rarely have the planets of Bad Acting, Bad Science, and Big Budget aligned so perfectly as in the 2003 blockbuster movie, "The Core". Contrary to what you are hoping, this "The Core" is not an inspirational video about your company's work ethic, nor a PBS special on apples; it's not even a new exercise regimen. No, this "The Core" spits on the work of H. G. Wells, replacing artistic genius with warmed-over technobablistic faux-facts*....

Gotta Catch 'Em All? Not anymore! Pokèmon: The 2000th Movie takes on one of the greatest evils that man has unleashed upon the world: collecting! Pokèmon aren't something to be collected like plushies or trading cards! In other news, the Pope has denounced Catholicism and PETA is finally getting behind wild dog fights.

The Slashers are back!  Gary Slasher - the madman of movie riffs and his wife Erin Slasher - the corpse of commentary.

Still bitter about not being accepted by the horror “in” crowd they have decided to take their revenge on Stephen King’s The Children of the Corn, Hor-RIFF-ic Productions’ 2^nd victim.

What would happen if the Gamera franchise ran out of ideas and tried to pad out a new movie with random fight sequences from other Gamera movies? Destroy All Planets. Still, there is something to be said of the gore of giant monsters violently tearing into each other in a movie aimed at children and dressed as a family film.