An uncompromising look at the world of bland adolescent dating rituals. Woody wants to take Ann to the “Hi-Teen Carnival,” but may only do so under the strictest of conditions. Asking her to go with him, for example, is not permissible. Apparently it is an unforgivable offense to ask a girl a direct question. The date does take place, against all odds, and the teeners attend a rave more wild and debauched than anything the denizens of Zion could imagine.* Urban legend holds that this short was written by Ed Wood, though I’d say it’s far too well plotted.

If you're like us, then you've probably seen more than your fair share of time-travel movies. Everyone knows the rules, of course: don't touch anything, don't talk to anyone, and keep all your nifty future gadgets out of sight until a dramatically-appropriate moment. But have you ever wondered what might happen if you traveled through time and decided to just toss all the rules right out the window?

Ahh the Philippines.  A lovely island nation off the Asian coast, the Philippines boasts a rich culture that flows over all its seven thousand plus islands.

And the soda, ahh the tasty soda.

What?  I just thought we could take some time and talk about Coca Cola and the Philippines, what's your problem?  It's not like I came up with it on my own, back in 1955 there was a whole film made on just that, and I've come to share it with you today.

Enjoy this short of highest quality, and don't forget to pick up some sugar-filled beverage to enjoy with it.

Special Edition released October 28, 2009


Welcome to The Movie Asylum: You Don't Have to be Crazy to Riff Here but it Helps!

“Cindy Goes to a Party” was filmed in Lawrence, Kansas, and that is literally the most interesting thing about it. This gritty film tells the tale of Cindy, a little girl who wasn’t invited to a party. When an emotionally needy fairy appears and whisks her away to crash the party, we learn exactly why she wasn’t on the guest list in the first place. Fans of superimposed text and crappy dissolve effects will be in heaven.

What would happen if the Gamera franchise ran out of ideas and tried to pad out a new movie with random fight sequences from other Gamera movies? Destroy All Planets. Still, there is something to be said of the gore of giant monsters violently tearing into each other in a movie aimed at children and dressed as a family film.

The year is allegedly 1888. The Vatican's army of Buddhists, Muslims, and toddling friars with hat hair work tirelessly to arm the great monster hunter Wolverine with the most ridiculous and inane weapons known to man, so that he might fail to hit large targets with the utmost speed and accuracy, picking up baronesses in tight corsets along the way. You'll gasp as Dracula chews more scenery than you could fit in Wyoming. You'll scream as the Frankenstein Monster relays life lessons about tolerance and acceptance.

Chinese action director John Woo (no doubt cheered on by his own last name) takes on the world of Mission: Impossible with all the great performances of Broken Arrow and all the plausibility of Face/Off (not to mention face removal and off-putting faces...but I digress).

Once upon a time in the seventies, a science fiction movie arrived in theaters that redefined what movies could be.  It was exciting, magical, overwhelming!  That movie, of course, was Star Wars...then Paramount asked "What do we have that we can use to milk these sci-fi fans dry with?"

Thus Star Trek made its debut in film with Star Trek:  The Motion Picture, a story so big, so massive, so filled with endless repetitive and slow paced minature effects shots, that it took the big screen to hold it all.

Godzilla was originally about a Japanese guy in a rubber monster suit wrecking cities and fighting big moths. *Record-Scratch* But it's the 90's! And the 90's require a dope new attitude, and This ain't your daddy's Godzilla, and Parents 'll never understand it, and We just do, and Special effects and rap covers of Led Zeppelin songs are fine, but what kids really want is a cohesive plot and likable characters...NOT!