Special Edition released October 28, 2009


Welcome to The Movie Asylum: You Don't Have to be Crazy to Riff Here but it Helps!

In the annals of Hollywood craziness, there will never be another like Tom Cruise. Thankfully, like the cold fusion we someday hope to harness, Tom's supply of cookoo is unlimited and never-ending. When we put out the call to the internet to send us jokes for Minority Report... well, let's just say that there wasn't a short supply available. We've taken the best of the lot and produced this riff for you and your Thetan-loving friends!

Wanna grab one of our other riffs? You can purchase them here:

Once upon a time in the seventies, a science fiction movie arrived in theaters that redefined what movies could be.  It was exciting, magical, overwhelming!  That movie, of course, was Star Wars...then Paramount asked "What do we have that we can use to milk these sci-fi fans dry with?"

Thus Star Trek made its debut in film with Star Trek:  The Motion Picture, a story so big, so massive, so filled with endless repetitive and slow paced minature effects shots, that it took the big screen to hold it all.

TRON. We can't really identify it as a movie. It's a shared experience of nostalgia. Everyone we talk to remembers loving it, but can't remember when they last saw it. And so we, in our continued efforts to improve our community, have taken it upon ourselves to educate the viewing public on just how bad this film really was.

There are many riffs of Twilight but this one is mine.  And Twilight ain't your parents vampire movie.  In fact, some may argue that it's not a vampire movie at all.  It could be viewed as "The most epic Romance since Titanic"-according to Hollywood.com or it could be viewed as an instructional video for those want to make the ability to win a staring contest into a career.  Then again, it could be both. 

Down to Earth maniac, Gary Slasher, and his delightfully dead wife, Erin, are set to tackle one of the most important horror movies ever -- 1980’s Friday the 13th.

Sean Cunningham’s classic is dissected by the sharp tongues of this deadly duo whose bitterness over not having made it big in the horror industry has driven them mad. 

In order to avoid any potential accidental injury while viewing, please review the following:

Ahh the Philippines.  A lovely island nation off the Asian coast, the Philippines boasts a rich culture that flows over all its seven thousand plus islands.

And the soda, ahh the tasty soda.

What?  I just thought we could take some time and talk about Coca Cola and the Philippines, what's your problem?  It's not like I came up with it on my own, back in 1955 there was a whole film made on just that, and I've come to share it with you today.

Enjoy this short of highest quality, and don't forget to pick up some sugar-filled beverage to enjoy with it.

“Cindy Goes to a Party” was filmed in Lawrence, Kansas, and that is literally the most interesting thing about it. This gritty film tells the tale of Cindy, a little girl who wasn’t invited to a party. When an emotionally needy fairy appears and whisks her away to crash the party, we learn exactly why she wasn’t on the guest list in the first place. Fans of superimposed text and crappy dissolve effects will be in heaven.

Do janitors really have anything better to do than to repair windows?  How does a high school prank end in murder?  What does a turtle have to do with your safety?  Did you know that a newspaper can save your life?

Join Commander Rick Wolf, along with his robot pals Johnny Cylon and Topsy-Bot 5000 as they’re forced to sit through the trashy horror epic Lady Frankenstein.

Italy’s take on the classic tale is the smuttiest one to date! After the Doc’s phallic-headed monster bear hugs him to death, his foxy daughter Tonya decides to use his lab as a boyfriend factory!