Cinemasochism: Meats With Approval

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Sep 08 11

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Nowadays, most of us take clean, wholesome and disease-free meat totally for granted. (that is, those of us who are smart enough not to frequent Jack-in-the-Box more than once in our lifetime).

However, not all that long ago, the simple act of eating meat was tantamount and as risky as doing a Brazilian porn shoot. Disease, dirt, carelessness and unsanitary conditions were commonplace and the threat of getting food poisoning was nearly as likely as Paris Hilton's mug (or other body parts) showing up in the latest supermarket tabloid.

However, thanks to brave and determined heroes at the USDA, we can now bite into our Big Macs with the confidence that there is now only a 20% chance that some e. coli cow slipped through the cracks.

Watch as men in flash-worthy trenchcoats and wearing Dick Tracy brand hats hover, bother and berate all who would dare stray from the Perfect Order of carving open cow's brains, feeling up pig's bladders and eviscerating bull's bodies like a sick Max Hardcore addict. Witness the jaw dropping action of retired WalMart greeters passing one carcass after another to his meat mate, while making sure every bit of evidence of mishandling and clumsiness is washed down with a power hose.

Meats With Approval gives us all of this and much, much more. You will never look at your Whopper the same again.

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