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Just when things looked grimmest for Hollywood’s bottom line and executives started seriously considering adapting the origin stories of cereal mascots for the silver screen, along came The Hunger Games to save the day! Yes, The Hunger Games, the series that critics are...
Sep 27 2012
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For many of us, the last time we uttered the title “Planet of the Apes” was when we were angrily demanding from a teenage usher “I’ll ask you one more time: Are you going to give me a refund for Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes, or am I going to have to take...
Feb 14 2012
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Hey, you know what happens if you hit play on Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon and Transformers: Dark of the Moon at the same time? We tried it, turns out they don’t sync at all and the Pink Floyd album will immediately set itself on fire in protest (who knew mp3s...
Nov 29 2011
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Thor is the rare superhero movie that raises important questions. Namely, the important question “If Thor was considered the good superhero movie of 2011, just exactly how wretched must Green Lantern have been?”
Yes, Thor, for all its...
Sep 27 2011
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If you’re a normal, reasonable person, your knowledge of the Karate Kid franchise likely begins and ends with the following items: the phrase “Sweep the leg,” that awesome “You’re the best around” song, and the ironic Cobra Kai t-shirt you purchased...
Mar 22 2011
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According to legend, the screenplay for cult favorite Highlander appeared when a basement-dwelling metalhead kicked over his bong in a futile attempt to stand after consuming two “share size” bags of Combos and a tube of raw cookie dough. The bong water within, which was...
Mar 15 2011
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RELEASE THE RIFFTRAX!! Yes, all too often a movie is reduced to a silly one-liner, a ridiculous catchphrase. This is a sad and unfair practice, demeaning to films with creative integrity and purpose. Fortunately, Clash of the Titans has neither! Upon viewing it,...
Oct 22 2010
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By now, everyone knows the story of how Avatar single-handedly changed moviemaking forever. Its visionary director (whose name escapes us, you know the one, he's that guy who didn't win an Oscar this year) proved that progressive films can succeed in today's marketplace...
Apr 22 2010
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Return of the Jedi. For sixteen years, it was widely regarded as the worst chapter in the Star Wars saga. We now look back upon this period of time, appalled and embarrassed at how naive we were. For while Return of the Jedi may be slow to get...
Jan 22 2010
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Like the odometer on your 1984 Plymouth Reliant rolling back over to zero, the Star Trek series gets a reset! The previous thirty-eight films had barely begun to scratch the surface of these fascinating characters, and so Star Trek is back to answer all your burning questions: What’s Scotty...
Nov 19 2009
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At its heart, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a love story. A love story between two dogs, Mojo and Frankie, who are shown humping several times in the first fifteen minutes of the movie*. Stunningly, this remains a highlight over the next two hours of movie. We don't see much of the...
Oct 22 2009
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When we heard that Korean studio Younggu-Art Movies was making a picture called Dragon Wars, we were both excited and disgusted at the same time. Excited because we have had many conversations about which Korean movie studio would direct our "dream" dragon movie, and the name...
Oct 5 2009
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When a spaceship full of hairy people crashes on an unknown planet, it's not enough that the surviving members look a lot like the Starland Vocal Band (it is a help, of course, but not sufficient for their survival). They must forge off on a non-stop mission of wandering around doing nothing in...
May 20 2009
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Your favorite sand-phobic, midichlorian-rich super villain is back! And this time his capes are even more fabulous, his thigh-high Uggs resplendent like never before, and his burnt chicken head cloaked in the shiniest plastic helmet yet! And if that wasn't enough, Mike, Kevin and Bill are...
Apr 14 2009
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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (Marin County, to be exact) George Lucas sparked up his favorite bong, kicked back in a bean bag chair and several gurgles later came up with the idea that would become the greatest movie of all time.* The story should be familiar to everyone: a moisture...
Dec 30 2008