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In honor of Alone at Home, we did a little research on a similarly-titled film only to discover that Macaulay Culkin recently turned 30. That’s right, the kid from Home Alone is 30 years old. How ‘bout that for a dose of reality? A reminder of time’s cruel, relentless march? Did you just clear your throat, or was that an early taste of your own death rattle Can you really know? This cheerful reminder of mortality brought to you by RiffTrax.com!
While Mr. Culkin’s defining film (pipe down, Pagemaster fanfic authors) and Alone at Home share the same basic theme, there are key differences. Little Kevin McAllister is left unsupervised accidentally. The parents in Alone at Home, however, make the same choice quite intentionally. Where have they gone? No answer is given. Why have they gone? A few minutes with the awkward, goony children they’ve left behind is all the explanation you’ll need. Seriously, there’s a kid so odd and skinny you’ll be up at night wondering where his bones and organs fit, yielding nightmares you won’t soon escape. If Home Alone’s notorious Wet Bandits had shown up at his house, they would have turned away in sadness, and perhaps launched a food drive.
Mike, Kevin, and Bill have not been Alone at Home for years, because their wives know they’d just eat sticks of butter and wind up sticking their fingers in the electrical outlets again.